Are you writing any stories on this site? I think you are very nice. You visit my stories. I will look at yours.
Mar 01, 2011 Rating
Excellent! by: Unicorn
This story is getting better with every part! I love the conflict between the narrator and April, and the contrast between her relationship with April and with Emile. April is a real annoyance, but Emile she finds quite cute. She treats Emile with much more patience than April, so she is also in the wrong - which is brilliant, because your main character always has to have a flaw to make them interesting. The plot is coming along beautifully, growing thicker, more complicated with every part. You can still just watch out for too much description (she walks to the stable door, she opens the door, she walks through it. Instead, she can just enter the stable). That detail could work better describing the characters instead of their actions ("As I entered the stable, Tom turned his head to greet me, his dark forelock falling like mist over his bright eyes..." for example). Also, watch out for "walked". All writers have "crutch words", words that they use too much simply because it's a habit. Your crutch is "walked". (You're lucky to have only one - I have millions, like "huge", "float", "snort", "bright", and so on and on...). You've mastered the basic elements of a story - plot, character, setting and theme - pretty much, now you're moving on to tidying up description. You've improved in leaps and bounds and you are EXTREMELY talented! Thank you so much for sharing this story and please write on!
Feb 28, 2011 Rating
I did by: ranchgirl (author)
I did check out "Blossum". It is awesome and I can't wait for part 3!!!
Feb 26, 2011 Rating
Wow! by: Shine
You have the detail perfect, you have the feeling of annoyance at April, you have everything that makes a good writer! Perfect! Could you check out my stories, "Blossom"? I encourage you to keep writing, you're talented!
