Shine, I love your story, Apollo and your story Blossom is starting out good.
P.S. Please check out my page, Have a Question. You can ask me about anything or we can just chat. Be sure to check it out.
Feb 19, 2011 Rating
Wonderful! by: Shine
Your detail is totally good! I can't do as good as you! Please! Part 3!
Feb 19, 2011 Rating
Thank you by: ranchgirl (author)
Unicorn, Thanks for the tip.
Haley, Thanks.
I just posed the preview for part 3. You guys can go check it out. Thanks again!
Feb 18, 2011 Rating
I think she is doing great by: Haley
I think she is doing a great job! everyone is looking for a lot of detail and you're doing wonderful!
Feb 16, 2011 Rating
Tom by: Unicorn
Your story is getting better with every part! Well done with the rewrites. The plot is much stronger, the characterization much better (especially that of Tom) than the first draft, which was good already. One small suggestion - I like your use of details, like the cursive writing on Tom's halter, but we don't need to know every single movement your narrator makes. She walked to the tack room, got Tom's tack and walked back. Instead, let her just get Tom's stuff and start saddling him up. She swung her leg over, climbed down from the mounting block and patted Tom's neck. Maybe she can just dismount and pat Tom's neck. However, this attention to detail is a really good sign - it tells me you're seeing the people in your head like a movie, and this power of visualization is a real blessing for a writer. Too much detail is better than too little. Keep it up, girl. I'm having a wonderful time reading your story! Keep it coming!
