I just love your detail! And your characters! They are so cool! And interesting! Please continue, please,please,please! Oh please excuse me, I think I'm going nuts!
Apr 06, 2011 Rating
Your story by: Unicorn
It gets better with every part! Each horse has its own character, and you give us a peek into it as they climb out of the trailer. You're really fleshing out the detail now - I love the way you don't just go "The wind was blowing", you show how Charlie struggles with the papers. You show, don't tell, which is great.
One point - a few typos (you said "dirty" and "drift" when you meant "dirt), which isn't a bit issue, and also, you might want to stop referring to Charlie Graham and David Gregory by their full names. We know what they're called; it's already part three. Decide on what you're going to call them (you could call her Charlie or Mrs. Graham, for example) and stick to it.
The story is brilliant. I can't wait to see what happens next!