Comments for Sundancer and the rest part 1....PLEASE COMMENT!!!!

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Mar 25, 2011
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GREATO!!!
by: Lauren

a very interesting beginning. I love how you left it with tons of suspense.

Mar 21, 2011
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Like it!
by: Shine

This is good! I like your characters and you left the story at a mysterious part so please continue!

Mar 15, 2011
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Brilliant!
by: Unicorn

Whoa! This is a great story! I love the indirect way in which you reveal information about Charlie, David and Georgie. This sounds like it's going to be an amazing adventure - Charlie mysteriously gets left a truck full of skinny horses and has to nurse them back to health (I think). Sounds like it's going to be an excellent and interesting horsey drama.

A few points - David's question about where Charlie's husband is sounds a little bit blunt. Perhaps he's naturally a blunt and outspoken character. If so, let it be. If he's more subtle and sympathetic, perhaps you should get him to ask it a little more tactfully, or maybe Charlie should just mention it. An example: Charlie sighs and mentions in passing how proud her ex would have been to see Georgie win. This would be a good moment for David to ask what happened. (Just for example, maybe Charlie's ex didn't like horses at all, or didn't like Georgie, or whatever). Also, I get a touch confused between who's talking - David, or Charlie. Make use of paragraph breaks; each section of dialogue should have its own paragraph.

Please write more soon! I love the story, it sounds like the rest of it is going to be fabulous!

Oh, and excuse me this shameless little bit of self-promotion... but my story is just a little down the page from yours. It's called "More than a Myth" and I haven't had any comments yet. A little critique would be much appreciated, but only if you want to! Thanks! And please write Part II soon!

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