Thank you so much for all the compliments and the advise, I'll work on it. And don't worry, I got lot's more, and most of this is all off the top of my head. Haha, but thanks for saying I've got the "Talent" that just made my day and my tomorrow.
May 09, 2011 Rating
Hi ExWow by: Unicorn
Wow, this is getting most interesting! I love the plot. You're always making the characters do something. I hate it when they just stand around. But you keep them busy, keep the story moving. And I still like the characterisation of Lex - she's great.
One point - you use quite a bit of 'walked'. She walked there. Then she walked back. Poor old 'walked'. It's such a dead word. Try to make it a bit more spunky: delete 'walked' and try 'strode', 'stamped', 'trailed', 'slouched' - there are so many synonyms for 'walked'. It's a very minor flaw, and I still love this story. And yes, pretty pretty pretty please write more! LOTS more! You've got the talent for it!
Keep writing, Unicorn writer of: "More than a Myth" Intro, Part I, Part II
May 08, 2011 Rating
More? by: ExWow
Again, if you want more Nightmare, please comment.
