WOW! This story is GOOD so far. I love your characters. nice job.
Mar 12, 2011 Rating
Thanks Unicorn by: ExWow
Well first of all I call myself ExWow cause it's my nickname at school. And thank you so much for the setting examples, I'll work on it. By the way, that's why I said that I had to go to school. It's supposed to be early in the morning. But thanks again for the advice.
Mar 05, 2011 Rating
Brilliant! by: Unicorn
You've got it, ExWow! (Why d'you call yourself "Ex"Wow? You're Wow right now!) The story is very well balanced - plot, character, description are nicely evened out. I looooove Lexus. She's indomitable, persevering, courageous and doesn't take no for an answer. She's decisive too. There's a hint of mystery about her - why her grandparents and not her parents? - but the girl's got guts. Every good character needs a flaw to be interesting. Lexus could very easily be obstinate, but still likable. You've got her just right.
I would like to see a bit more setting, though. What time is it? Where is it? What's the weather like? Try to blend setting in with everything else - instead of, "His coat was pitch black", try "The early morning sunlight lit up his pure black coat." Or, "He was a big horse, at least 16hh" (paraphrasing here), try "He was at least 16hh tall, the biggest, finest thing on the little ramshackle farm," just for example. If the farm was fine and wealthy, it could be, "He was at least 16hh tall, another beautiful, shiny plaything on the big, wealthy place."
I love the story, and it has tons of potential. Please write on!
Mar 02, 2011 Rating
Haha by: ExWow
Haha, I guess it isn't very short, but I'm just used to writing a lot, all that was just off the top of my head. But anyways, thank you, I'll start writing.
Mar 02, 2011 Rating
Nice! by: Shine
You got me hooked already! I really like the Lexus character. Good job!
