It's a really great story, and i'm looking forward to reading more, but there are a couple of things, It might just be me, and i know I can't talk :) You repeated yourself quite a lot with things like "I knew my dad's business partner had a son/daughter, but I didn't know he/she would be so pretty/nice etc." I don't know if that was ment to be there, or if I'm just being annoying :s Just thought I'd point it out. Great story, though! Keep on writing! <3 :D (Sorry, I like faces!)
Jk442
May 25, 2012 Rating
:D by: lucinda
:D awesome story!
May 25, 2012 Rating
Hi Mary by: Unicorn
First of all, well done for getting your "crutch" words like "gorgeous" and "definitely" under control! Your prose is a lot stronger without them, very well done. Look out for a couple of typos and missing spaces - the computer may have deleted those, I've had a few paragraph breaks disappear once - but all round I enjoyed it. Please write Part 3 soon!
Unicorn
writer of "El Cheapo" parts 1-7 www.horsecrazygirls.com/el-cheapo-part-i.html
