Comments for My Jasmine - Part 2

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Jun 13, 2012
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great story
by: jk442

It's a really great story, and i'm looking forward to reading more, but there are a couple of things, It might just be me, and i know I can't talk :) You repeated yourself quite a lot with things like "I knew my dad's business partner had a son/daughter, but I didn't know he/she would be so pretty/nice etc." I don't know if that was ment to be there, or if I'm just being annoying :s Just thought I'd point it out. Great story, though! Keep on writing! <3 :D (Sorry, I like faces!)

Jk442

May 25, 2012
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:D
by: lucinda

:D awesome story!

May 25, 2012
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Hi Mary
by: Unicorn

First of all, well done for getting your "crutch" words like "gorgeous" and "definitely" under control! Your prose is a lot stronger without them, very well done. Look out for a couple of typos and missing spaces - the computer may have deleted those, I've had a few paragraph breaks disappear once - but all round I enjoyed it. Please write Part 3 soon!

Unicorn

writer of "El Cheapo" parts 1-7
www.horsecrazygirls.com/el-cheapo-part-i.html

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