it is a great story! can't wait to see the next part.
May 17, 2012 Rating
5 stars by: englishrider4life
Doing great, can't wait for more!!
May 17, 2012 Rating
Hi Mary by: Unicorn
First of all, I LOVE the idea of Sapphire: popular, spoiled, and hating it. You've broken the mold here! The rich snob character is a cliche in the world of horse stories and you've turned it on its head. Brilliant! Plot and character are good in this story. The description of Sapphire - especially "willowy", I liked that - is well done. You could try to make your sentences a bit more interesting: you've got a few "crutches" (words, phrases or styles you may overuse). Look out for the words "definite" and "gorgeous", as well as beginning sentences with "Sapphire frowned/smiled/grinned as..." All round, an excellent story and I can't wait for Part 2! Please write on, you're very talented.
Unicorn
writer of "El Cheapo" www.horsecrazygirls.com/el-cheapo-part-i.html
