Must be hard to be horse crazy and scared to ride! I just have to say a couple things it's hard to keep to myself when I read something like this when I know I can help!
When my first horse died I had trouble riding again to and I gave up horses for 3 years until I started riding an old horse that didn't go fast it only walked and I enjoyed the old horse he made me feel like I could ride any horse in the world then I just built myself up and I rode my step dad's horse he did me good and then I got my horse and I love her!
I just think if you build yourself up you may fall but you just try again and if you really love horses you would do it for them you could become a really good show jumper or dressage or barrel racer you could do anything if you just believe in yourself that's what I told myself and I'm up there and when I ride I feel like no one can take away what I feel I mean I feel like I go at anytime and my horse she no's everything and nothing can take the place of a horse for anyone you just need to tell yourself he won't hurt he loves you and you can do what ever you put your mind to because you have the power!
If there's anything you need to talk about, I'm sure anyone on here would love to help you they all helped me so much and I just wish I was as open as the people on here cuz I tried to hide it and that made it worse. If your mom or your dad or someone you know that can help you with it talk to them cuz I know my mom was a really big help when I was scared and sometimes I still am but I tell myself that they don't mean to hurt me and they love me and I can pick myself up and do it again not for me not for you but for them!