Comments for Dream Come True

Comments for Dream Come True - Part 1

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Apr 10, 2011
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Hey Kaitlyn
by: ranchgirl (author)

Did you find part 2 and 3? I know they're way down on the page. I'm glad you like my stories.

Apr 08, 2011
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Hey Ranchgirl!
by: Kaitlyn aka Horserider

You asked me to read them and I did! AND NOW I'M GLAD!!!:) this is a great story! I love it... just try to add a bit more detail! The whole cowgirl feel is great...and it keeps people reading!

Apr 08, 2011
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Great!
by: horseshoe

Great!!! PLEASE write more- it's a totally awesome story. But, i think you don't need to start almost every sentence with " I". GREAT ANYWAYS!!!!!!!!

Mar 28, 2011
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Ok
by: ranchgirl (author)

Lauren-I will read your story and keep reading mine.

Mar 26, 2011
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YES!
by: Lauren

Please write more. I agree with the previous commenter, but very good. Please read and comment on my series, Dream Delilah.

Mar 20, 2011
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I, I, I, I, I!
by: Anonymous

I think it is a great story, but you start almost all your sentences with "I" try starting them with adverbs, or conjoining 2 sentences with a conjunction.

Mar 19, 2011
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AWESOME!
by: Gracek

please write more!!!!

Mar 18, 2011
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YES
by: Anonymous

Yes of course you should continue I really love it so far!

Mar 18, 2011
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Hi Ranchgirl
by: Unicorn

Your story is good, and the discovery of the wild horses gives me a delicious thrill. I like the narrator, and I'm curious as to why she has to work, and why she didn't have any breakfast - is she poor? is her mother forgetful, or careless? I like her boss a lot, though, and think that perhaps if the narrator is in a bad place at home, he could become a friend and confidante, even though he's strict.

Just a point - do you write the "Magic" and "Tom" stories? Because you have the same tendency to track your character's every movement.

Instead of:
I stood up and walked over to the closet. I pulled out a plaid shirt, overalls and a cowgirl hat. I dressed my self and ran out the door and down the stairs.

Try:
I got up and dressed in a plaid shirt, overalls and a cowgirl hat before running downstairs.
We know your character has to walk to the closet and pull out her clothes before she gets dressed. We know she has to run out of the door before running down the stairs. You don't need to tell us all this. The good thing about this slight problem is that I know you can see every single move your character makes in your head. This gift of visualization is a wonderful thing.

Now try to use it in a different way - show us what the characters look like. What's the narrator's boss like? Is he the tall, young, sweaty type who walks so fast that most people have to run to keep up? Or is he old and grizzled, with a kindly and slightly toothless smile, and always chomping on tobacco? Give the story life by adding in a bit of description.
All in all, a great story. Please keep writing! I can't wait to hear the story of the wild horses!

Mar 18, 2011
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Thanx
by: ranchgirl (author)

I will continue writing and you will continue reading.

Mar 17, 2011
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Love it!
by: Shine

You're good Ranchgirl! Keep it going. Yet I still like Tom but lets see what you have in Dreams Come True. Something great I bet!

Mar 17, 2011
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yes yes yes :)
by: ruby

yes i think you should continue writing, it is very good :)

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