Why do I miss you so much?!?
I miss you and yet I can't understand why? It's been four years and I should move on right? But you were my baby!
He died of colic four years ago, he was a dapple grey arabian! 16hh I love him and we bonded I was 8 he was 5 years old and we loved each other people say that I was too young to know what love was but I did. He did too. I spent every minute of every day, of every month of every year with him. It was the best summer in my life I'll tell you how it started!
It started when I was seven I was lead around on a horse and I loved it. My mom ponied me around everywhere. Until I turned 8 and then I kept asking for my own horse and mom told me "Be careful what you ask for because it just might come true!" Well I just kept asking and then one day I was watching out my window waiting for my mom to come home and as she came up the driveway she was riding a horse a dapple Grey Arabian.
I run outside and he nickers to me. I walk up to him and wow he was a big powerful horse. Nice horse I say. My mom asks me "You like him?" I answer with a quiet shake of the head as in yes! She just looks at me and says "Good because he's yours!" Lessons start tomorrow with your new teacher Lindsay. I'm so excited I turn and she says "Where you going? You have a horse to walk and cool out and blanket and put away!" I take MY horse and untack him and do as I'm told. Then come back and meet my teacher (coach).
After that day, I started my lessons and was a complete cowgirl every since all western I would act like in the movies and chase the cows around. I had a blast and so did he. But........... he wasn't gaining any weight! OH NO! I could see his ribs and it was BAD! I did my best and we put some weight on then I had this bright (Definitely NOT a bright) idea! To go to summer camp and meet some friends as I come back feeling better than ever can't wait to see my horse! He's not at home where I left him as my mom pulls in the driveway I ask "Where is my Raindancer?" Mom answers in a unusual quiet tone I'll talk to you after dinner okay? Okay, I say kind of confused.
After dinner finally arrives my mom and step dad tell me that Rain past away the first night I was gone. I start to laugh and say you guys are just kidding and they sit there looking at me blankly. Then it sinks in my beloved Rain has gone for good! How is that fair?? I yell I loved him and now he's gone! I yell some more stuff I'm really quite not proud of and then I run as fast and as far as I can go and when I stop I find myself in our favorite spot we used to lay together and look at the stars I cry and it hurts mostly because I knew he didn't want to leave and I didn't get to say good-bye and I can NEVER have him back! I cry so much I lose track of time and before I know it it's morning I slept there all night my mom is probably worried sick and yet I don't care, this spot, the stars the sky and my thoughts is the only thing I seem to care about.
Just when I thought I had no more tears to give they spill down my cheeks like a water fall and that big dry lump forms in my throat and for a second I think I stop breathing and my heart it stops beating and the world stops spinning! And the only thing in the world that can make it all better is him, my best friend, my teacher, my soul mate, and most of all my everything! And when those words spilled out of my mom's mouth "passed away" she says "I stayed with him until his last breathe and I tried everything to save his life!" "I knew how much he meant to you!" She says and yet it still makes nothing better! If only, I tell myself... if only he was here then there would be no tears nothing to worry about. He made everything in life seem so much better! He makes the stars brighter and sky lighter and the sun seems to shine brighter when I'm with him but that too changes nothing! Wishing, missing, and hoping doesn't bring him back!
Four years later! I'm 13 years old and he would be 11 years old! Missing him more than ever and still having those kinda dreams that you close your eyes and he's right there, you open them and woooooosssssssssshhhhhhhhhh he's GONE again and you still get tears in your eyes when you tell some one the story! It never goes away and it NEVER stops hurting actually hurts more and more each day!
Then you find that special horse and he changes everything your heart actually feels healed and you can smile again until you have to leave him then the hurt comes back it always comes back and it hurts 1,000,000 times worse than it did before! But it's that time you get to spend with the horse you love that changes everything! It changes your life for a small amount of time you get to be you and feel like someone's always listening to what you have to say!
TRUE STORY NO WORD IN THIS IS MADE UP! THAT IS A PROMISE!