Why do I miss you so much?!?

by Daisy
(Canada )

I miss you and yet I can't understand why? It's been four years and I should move on right? But you were my baby!

He died of colic four years ago, he was a dapple grey arabian! 16hh I love him and we bonded I was 8 he was 5 years old and we loved each other people say that I was too young to know what love was but I did. He did too. I spent every minute of every day, of every month of every year with him. It was the best summer in my life I'll tell you how it started!

It started when I was seven I was lead around on a horse and I loved it. My mom ponied me around everywhere. Until I turned 8 and then I kept asking for my own horse and mom told me "Be careful what you ask for because it just might come true!" Well I just kept asking and then one day I was watching out my window waiting for my mom to come home and as she came up the driveway she was riding a horse a dapple Grey Arabian.

I run outside and he nickers to me. I walk up to him and wow he was a big powerful horse. Nice horse I say. My mom asks me "You like him?" I answer with a quiet shake of the head as in yes! She just looks at me and says "Good because he's yours!" Lessons start tomorrow with your new teacher Lindsay. I'm so excited I turn and she says "Where you going? You have a horse to walk and cool out and blanket and put away!" I take MY horse and untack him and do as I'm told. Then come back and meet my teacher (coach).

After that day, I started my lessons and was a complete cowgirl every since all western I would act like in the movies and chase the cows around. I had a blast and so did he. But........... he wasn't gaining any weight! OH NO! I could see his ribs and it was BAD! I did my best and we put some weight on then I had this bright (Definitely NOT a bright) idea! To go to summer camp and meet some friends as I come back feeling better than ever can't wait to see my horse! He's not at home where I left him as my mom pulls in the driveway I ask "Where is my Raindancer?" Mom answers in a unusual quiet tone I'll talk to you after dinner okay? Okay, I say kind of confused.

After dinner finally arrives my mom and step dad tell me that Rain past away the first night I was gone. I start to laugh and say you guys are just kidding and they sit there looking at me blankly. Then it sinks in my beloved Rain has gone for good! How is that fair?? I yell I loved him and now he's gone! I yell some more stuff I'm really quite not proud of and then I run as fast and as far as I can go and when I stop I find myself in our favorite spot we used to lay together and look at the stars I cry and it hurts mostly because I knew he didn't want to leave and I didn't get to say good-bye and I can NEVER have him back! I cry so much I lose track of time and before I know it it's morning I slept there all night my mom is probably worried sick and yet I don't care, this spot, the stars the sky and my thoughts is the only thing I seem to care about.

Just when I thought I had no more tears to give they spill down my cheeks like a water fall and that big dry lump forms in my throat and for a second I think I stop breathing and my heart it stops beating and the world stops spinning! And the only thing in the world that can make it all better is him, my best friend, my teacher, my soul mate, and most of all my everything! And when those words spilled out of my mom's mouth "passed away" she says "I stayed with him until his last breathe and I tried everything to save his life!" "I knew how much he meant to you!" She says and yet it still makes nothing better! If only, I tell myself... if only he was here then there would be no tears nothing to worry about. He made everything in life seem so much better! He makes the stars brighter and sky lighter and the sun seems to shine brighter when I'm with him but that too changes nothing! Wishing, missing, and hoping doesn't bring him back!

Four years later! I'm 13 years old and he would be 11 years old! Missing him more than ever and still having those kinda dreams that you close your eyes and he's right there, you open them and woooooosssssssssshhhhhhhhhh he's GONE again and you still get tears in your eyes when you tell some one the story! It never goes away and it NEVER stops hurting actually hurts more and more each day!

Then you find that special horse and he changes everything your heart actually feels healed and you can smile again until you have to leave him then the hurt comes back it always comes back and it hurts 1,000,000 times worse than it did before! But it's that time you get to spend with the horse you love that changes everything! It changes your life for a small amount of time you get to be you and feel like someone's always listening to what you have to say!
***************

TRUE STORY NO WORD IN THIS IS MADE UP! THAT IS A PROMISE!

Comments for Why do I miss you so much?!?

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Mar 16, 2017
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
I know how you feel
by: Anonymous

My best friend's horse died when I was 11. He was my best friend. My friend never cried but I did.

His name was Smokey. Smokey was probably a lot like Rain. He was a gray Arabian too.

I'll be praying for you. God Bless.

Jun 19, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
wow
by: Anonymous

Wow, that story is really touching. I know how hard it can be, losing something you love.

Feb 18, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
thanks
by: Daisy

You know, it never gets better yet talking about it makes him come back somehow. As soon as I hear his name tears come to my eyes he really was my first best friend and I don't think it was fair he had to leave and I never got to say good bye!

Sometimes I think there is no reason for me to live because the day I left I felt like he new I was gone and decided to die! I still suffer from that moment my mom said and I quote "I did what I could, I stayed with him until his last breath and he died in my arms." I feel like I let him down but I know if I give up horses or my life and just live in memories - like some days that's how I feel, he will be more disappointed for me giving up.

What I love most in life, what makes me wake up in the morning and what makes me smile are horses. You know no one really knows me until they have seen me. Around horses, I come alive! Like my soul was resting all this time waiting for something to make my heart beat again! I know this is what he wants so I'll never give up, never!

Though I'll never be the same, I'll never have the confidence I used to, I'll try my best and in my adventures I'll keep you posted with the horse - my baby girl I call Deja, the horse I have now. She found my bleeding heart and helped it heal. She found my resting soul and made it come alive. She makes me smile everyday and I wouldn't know what to do without her. It's like she's so much like him. I don't have to give them both up. It's like he was never gone he always lives on in my heart.

Jan 19, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
:(
by: akoiya

your story makes me want to cry... i dread the day my precious dog dies. although it is sad, very nice wording. you should edit it and send it into teeninc.com

hey this is akoiya. and i am just requesting you guys to go to my reply page. when you get there, read the comments and comment back to them or ask me questions and i will look at your comments and reply back. its gonna be really fun so just look under training stories for it.

Jan 19, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
I know what you mean
by: Amber (see Moonshadow)

Your story is so sad. But I know how you feel. My favorite cat died when I was eight and he was my best friend. I'm twelve now and it hurts more everyday. What's worse is that it was on Valentines day. And his second best friend, Blacky, died a year later.( that was my dog) Then, On the 17th of December 2010, Velvet died. That thing that's killing the birds and fish got her. Now here's the stupid part: I got her and lacy when they were abandoned. Also to Red's fill hole. Well after Red died I wouldn't talk for a week. When Velvet died I talked the next day. And I loved her more than Red. She would be three years old in October. Now I'm filling the hole with my neighbors horse Sunny. But there's still a hole when I'm at school. I want my cats back!

Jan 17, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
:(
by: Anonymous

I know how you feel, just not with a horse. I hope you never have to go through that again, and you don't have to be over him in 4 years! Nobody should rush that. How would they feel if their best friend died? Nobody understands until they go through it :(

Jan 14, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
!!!!:(:(~~!!!
by: Abigail

May his poor soul rest in peace

Jan 13, 2011
Rating
starstarstarstarstar
So SAD
by: Shine

I can't believe a horse like that is dead. By your story, I bet he was your true best friend.

Click here to add your own comments

Return to Horse Training Stories.