Comments for No Title (ideas in comments please?)

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Apr 12, 2011
by: Anonymous

~Snowsong Angel~

Apr 08, 2011
Neat!Write more!
by: horseshoe

my idea for a title is ( drum roll, please!!!)

Village Angel

Keep an eye out for a story by PonyTale "Horse Dreamer"

Apr 08, 2011
by: Lauren

how about
magic mystery
path of the ghost horse
silent hoofbeats
please read Dream Delilah my story

Mar 29, 2011
by: jazzy

iv`e decided to write a proper book, and i hope that i will get published. ive only done a chapter but i know the plot off by heart now. once again, thanks Unicorn, for the fantastic name of silent hoofbeats, its great!

wish me luck!

if it does get published i will tell you all cuz id be so happy!(if you dont mind that is!)im gonna dedicate it to my friend poppy because shes been helping me loads, my best friend hannah, and my teacher.

i will be sad if it doesn't get in :(

if i knew you personally Unicorn, id put your name in too for the name, it really helped me a lot.

Mar 26, 2011
it's up!!
by: jazzy

i've put part two up, and i will put part three up in about a week or something if people like it.

Mar 25, 2011
by: Elise

I love this story. It is so real and powerful yet serene. You truly have a gift for writing. Keep going, and please keep posting here, as well. You write such fun and intriguing pieces!

Mar 22, 2011
by: jazzy

thanks for all the comments, and i really appreciate all the advice. im always so busy writing that i forget the grammar!!thanks for the title suggestions,and the story will be named...*drum roll* ...
`silent hoofbeats`!!!
if you find anything else, please tell me so that i can take it on board for part 3. i am writing part 2 now!!!
thanks for your suggestion, i will put a thanks at the start of part 2!

Mar 17, 2011
Idea for a title
by: Unicorn

Hi Jazzy

I forgot to add (I know, I know, I have the memory of leather oil), perhaps you could call the story The Horses' Angel? No, wait, then you'd give away that the girl's an angel before the reader even gets to the story. How about Silent Hoofbeats, for the way the girl's horse moves?

Mar 15, 2011
by: Unicorn

Hi Jazzy, this is a wonderful story! Like TheCougar said, it's powerful. Your style is compact, you say a lot in only a few words, which is a wonderful gift. The revelation of the girl's true nature is a goosebump moment.

The only thing I would do to the story, and it's mainly a personal thing, would be to add in a few extra details of the horses' angel. Perhaps she gives a sad little smile as the wounded horse joins the heavenly herd. Or maybe her blue eyes shine with tenderness as she plays on her flute. Perhaps she is surrounded by a soft luminescence. Whatever - I would just inject a few more details, but I am a detail junkie, so it's just a suggestion.

Also, I wasn't quite sure if this statement packed all the punch it could have: "She was, in fact... An angel." The words are perfect, but maybe lose the ellipsis and the paragraph break, so it ends up as "She was, in fact, an angel." Just a thought, it's really just a personal thing.
All in all, a glorious story.

I'd encourage you to try and send it to a magazine or similar - it's a publishable piece. Just don't expect to be accepted on the first go, it normally takes many, many rejections before a story is accepted, publishing is much harder than most people expect.

Happy writing! Thanks for sharing this heartwarming tale. And please write more soon!

Mar 14, 2011
story deserves a 6 star rating :)
by: TheCougar

Alright! First off: WOW. You write with contained, but raw, power. Please go on to write more! Second, I want to let you know that my suggestions only pertain to grammar and that they remain suggestions! I can't (and won't) change the story b/c it is already beautiful :) Also, I know my corrections are extensive, but bear with me; it'll help!

*1st paragraph:
-1st sen. delete 2nd "the village" or replace w/"it".
-3rd sen. "the something" change to "a mysterious female".
-last sen. specify the different horse
*2nd para:
-3rd sen. "got out" to "brought out" or "brought forth", no comma (,) after "play".
*3rd para:
-3rd sen. "smiled at them" delete "all", make comma a period (.), delete next "and", capitalize "i" of "in", change next "the" to "their"-last sen. delete second "horse".
*4th para:
-3rd sen. delete "And", capitalize "a" in "as"
-4th sen. place "However,", lower case "s" in "she", delete "though".
-last sen. delete "something", replace "but not what we expect them to be" w/"something unexpected".
*5th para:
-lower case "a" in "An".

Possible title: Flutes and Moans

<3 it!!!!

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