Your story is great, but it also needs improvement, try and work on putting her personality into the words, try and listen to a song that sets the right mood and stays true to her personality while you write, I find that it helps a lot, I wouldn't have been able to write True Dreams without doing that, also try and stick to one point-of-view. Its really great, but even the best of stories can be improved.
Too be honest I forgot the name I use for this so I'm just going to say this, I'm the author of True Dreams and I feel embarrassed because I can't even remember my own Alias.
Feb 15, 2011 Rating
MORE.. MORE.. by: Anonymous
ABOUT A YEAR AND A HALF LATER.....
I rolled in my paddock while I waited for my master to untangle the reins. It was the day before my first show, and he needed to groom me. I have been training for AGES to get used to jumping and improving my course times in perfection, now I can do higher jumps it?s time for a show. I don?t think rolling around helps, but my back is really itchy from the mosquitoes. So he pulled out all the brushes and took out a gleaming set of Pegasus Jumping Tack and hung it carefully on the fence.
He groomed me all over, oiled my hoofs with what looked like as black paint and put some sort of oily stuff that smelt like new plastic onto my muzzle. Then he plaited my mane and tail and put a purple blanket, travelling boots and halter on then stepped back to admire his work. He loaded me into the trailer after feeding me a juicy carrot and tying up hay net inside the trailer. I hate trailers, but I?d better cooperate or we?ll never get to the show grounds. So I simply walked in with flat ears, but didn?t bite, kick or push out.
When he?d turned on the lights and opened the glass/plastic window, he closed the trailer back, and drove off to the show arena. I watched in interest through the barred window at the roads and cars and people, and people and kids looked at me in interest as well.
Feb 15, 2011 Rating
.... by: Anonymous
i cant possibly get it all in the comments section. Buts its not like starlight by much...look at it all!!! I will put in wat i have done. i am tempted to get u to email me..but ok.
Feb 15, 2011 Rating
EVEN MORE by: Anonymous
The next morning, I awoke to a manager filled with oats and Lucerne hay. I snickered happily and ate it up slowly then took a small drink. I kicked at the stable ball playfully, and picked it up with my teeth and threw it around. It could get boring in here without a ball, or an inflatable toy, or something like that. I rested a back foot and dozed in the leaking sunshine in the big/plastic glass and netted window.
I lost track of time, and by nine o?clock I was awakened by my master sneaking a saddle on my back during my dose. He must have groomed me to, and he had shorter stirrups and a (unfortunately for me) tighter girth than usual. I wondered what we were doing. He led me out and mounted, and called over a groom to fed, water and grooms the other 10 horses. My coat shone nearly buckskin in the sunlight instead of its usual bright orangey bay. We walked to the sanded arena set with cavalletti to small jumps, cavalletti to medium jumps, and cavalletti to taller jumps, then back to small. He rode me over a trotting row of cavalletti for 5 minute to warm up, then over to the course with the jumps in it. I didn?t like going over the tall jumps with a rider but I?m starting to get used to jumping with weight in the saddle.
After I did the whole course of cavalletti and jumps perfectly, he praised me and took me to the edge of the meadow where grass was growing into the arena as a reward. I am sure I am definitely getting better at this.
Feb 15, 2011 Rating
MORE by: Anonymous
. I had recently been broken to the saddle and a rider, it was a bit uncomfortable but I soon got used to it. I am now 2 years and 6 months.
I heard a whistle coming from the side of the paddock, and a gate creak open. I cantered to my master as he took off my blanket and brushed me with a gentler, softer brush. Then he strapped on a saddle and slid on a bridle, adjusting it to comfort and proper fit before leading me to the mounting yard to do the girth.
I didn?t like the girth ? it wasn?t the most comfortable thing you would find, along with a roller, which is like a girth you have to wear in the PADDOCK a well with a winter blanket. So he mounted me and we set off through the middle of the paddocks. He stopped and loosely tied my reins to the fence while he caught and quickly brushed a smaller pony in the field. Then he took the pony?s reins and we led him around for exercise through the forest, my master riding me and the pony in a simple bridle being led to his left.
We broke into a trot then a canter on a sandy part of the trail, the pony starting to run ahead into a slow gallop. He pulled on my and the pony?s reins, I stopped into a walk but the pony yanked them out of his hands and went full speed ahead. Knowing he had no hope of getting her on foot I tossed my head and followed. Almost immediately my rider got his balance back and held the reins properly. About 3 minutes later we found the pony, grazing carelessly in a clearing where we picked up his reins and led him back at a brisk trot.
When we got back to the neat little stables, he groomed all 11 of the horses (including me) and fed us then returned us to our orange-yellow sawdust stalls after cleaning them out and checking the automatic water managers.
Feb 15, 2011 Rating
AHHH need to give da rest by: Anonymous
here is what i have been writing non stop, i haven't gotten to the part where the appy comes in, but if u look at my notebook its PACKED Here it is, over 20,000 letters and over 4,000 words since SUNDAY i have been writing at school,m aftercare, after homework, in the mornings, ETC.
HERE'S THE WHOLE STORY SO FAR:
NESKA 2 I cantered around the long lunge line, going over the jumps. It was fair to say I could jump higher now. A simple Black English exercise saddle was strapped to my back and a comfortable black Pelham and elastic lounge clipped to the Pelham on my head. He used the whip to direct, not slap, and lowered the jump by an inch if they were continuously knocked over. When he lowered the polls to cavalletti, I trotted nearly over them; they were way easy for me now. After one hour, we stopped and I was groomed and put in a halter and summer sheet then into a half acre paddock next to the larger one with more horses in it. It was clean with a plumbed automatic water trough and a sturdy shelter with a willow tree and fresh grass. I should be called Horse Haven Farm instead of Black Bridle Farm, it?s got to be the best, and better by far than the man I was sold to but ran away from.
Feb 15, 2011 Rating
To eva by: Anonymous
My sis actually told me about yours, i think it's great but i didn't try and copy it. Oh and i am currently writing, and YES it contains the appaloosa, this is like 1/86834697346 of Midnite ; and i wish to rename it Neska cause that's wat im writing it as. thanks, and sorry eva, oh and eva write more. you left it at a tense part. i need more. your story is addictive!
Feb 13, 2011 Rating
Your story by: Unicorn
I like it! It's got time for detail, but is still plot-driven, and the description is good. Only two suggestions - perhaps a little more character, to flesh out Midnight and the Appaloosa a little, and what happened to the Appaloosa? Also, though this is a very easy thing to fix, your point of view wanders a little - Midnight is described as both "she" and "I". It's better to pick a point of view and stick with it. All in all, a very good story, and you are a very promising writer. Please write on! Perhaps a sequel, using the Appaloosa as a hero? Maybe he decides to follow in Midnight's footsteps and after much adventure gets to Black Bridle Farm? Thanks for sharing this excellent story.
Feb 13, 2011 Rating
is it good? by: savannah
is it good? it took a lllooonngg time to write.
Nov 12, 2013 Rating
Oh gosh. by: The author, years later -.-
Ahh, just found this 4-5 years later after submitting it. Is there any way i can take this story off the internet, forever?!?!
Feb 13, 2011 Rating
like my story by: Eva
This story is tooo much like my story - the Starlight Sagas.
