Goodbye - Part 1

by Amy

Everything was black. I couldn't see anything. I opened my eyes and I found myself on a hospital bed. Both of my arms and legs had casts on. People were standing at the foot of the bed. I wondered what happened to Cloud. Was she in the hospital too? A different hospital? An animal hospital?

I opened my eyes and saw people standing in front of me. I laid on the soft bed, silently. My right front leg hurt. It had a cast on. I wondered where Anna was. I squirmed in bed, but one person said, "It's okay. You'll be fine." I whinnied in pain. I couldn't take it anymore. The pain was killing me! "She is restless and uneasy. We have to give her the shot." said the vet as he came in. He took a needle from a small table, and walked over to me. He poked at my neck with the needle and everything went black.

I'm sorry, but I cannot write this part. It's soooo hard. i can't think of a thing! Well, Anna went back home, and she finds cloud in her stall. Then they both rest. Cloud in her stall, and Anna in bed.

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Mar 09, 2011
Your story
by: Unicorn

Hi Amy

I like the way you're introducing the story. It's not "once there was a girl named Anna who fell off a horse named Cloud [or something] and ended up in hospital..." blah blah blah. It starts off interestingly, and raises a lot of questions for the reader: who is Anna? why are she and Cloud hurt? what happened to them? how did they handle this? how did people around them handle it?
You can answer some of those questions now. When Anna's parent(s) take her back to her home, and to Cloud, you can show their reaction to whatever happened to Anna and Cloud. Are they angry with Anna? Are they angry with Cloud? Are they angry with someone else who caused the accident? Are they sympathetic with Anna? Are they sympathetic with Cloud? Are they shaken and unnerved? Will they forbid Anna to ride again? Will they force Anna to ride again? Figure out the reaction, and show it to the reader, perhaps on the car trip home.

Then figure out Anna's reaction to their reaction. (What are her emotions towards it - anger? fear? sorrow? shock? indifference?) Add that in, too. You can build a whole scene just on the characters' reactions to events and to each other. In fact, you can build a whole story on that. Cause and effect are the bricks of a story's house.

Have fun with your writing. I know it's hard and writer's block is a real pain, but you can do it, just get your fingers on the keyboard and write, write, write. It's a first draft, so it doesn't matter if it's bad. You can fix it later. Just put it down on paper (or on the computer) and write the story. You can do it!

Mar 07, 2011
Great work!
by: Anonymous

I love writing, and horses too!

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