Blossom - Part 2

by Shine
(USA)

Hi everybody! My second part of Blossom. Please read.
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I stared at that horse, but then my Mother's voice came into my thoughts. "Laurel! Your Aunt Florence is waiting." I hurried with her to to my Aunt's door. Just as we were about to knock, Aunt Florence threw open the door.

"Oh Marie! To see you again!" She gave my Mother a warm hug, then turned to me. "Laurel. At last we meet. You are as lovely as the flower you are named after." I believe I was embarrassed for I hate it when people say how pretty I am.

Then she turned to Laura. "Hello Laura. You are as sweet as a rose ." Laura smiled and said, " Thank you, you your self is too." Aunt Florence burst into a fit of laughter, then exclaimed: "Dear me! I have not even invited you in the house!"

She let us in and the coolness of the house was really refreshing. The dining room table was set and we began to eat. I have to admit, Aunt Florence is a wonderful cook. Everything was wonderful but I was dying to know if Aunt Florence owned that lovely horse.

I was finally able to ask and Aunt Florence smiled when she answered. "That my dear is Blossom. She's a Arabian and a lovely horse, isn't she?"

I answered yes, then mustering up all my courage, I asked if I could ride her. Mother frowned and said I had no business asking such a question.

But Aunt Florence said, "Marie of course Laurel can ride Blossom. That is when you are a little bit more settled." Mother looked thoughtful and then said, "I guess that would be alright." I jumped up and hugged both of them! I can't wait to ride Blossom!

Comment if I need corrections or tips. I hope you enjoy!

Comments for Blossom - Part 2

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Mar 17, 2011
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HI Kaitlyn!
by: Shine

I'm glad you found the first one. Thank you for commenting and hope you enjoy my stories. Don't be afraid to correct me if I wrote something wrong. I enjoy tips!

Mar 17, 2011
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Great story
by: Kaitlyn

I love your stories! I finally read the first one! But anyway, I really like these stories! Very interesting way you make the characters seem. And its well written.

Thanks for the stories all the same

Mar 14, 2011
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Thanks Aysha!
by: Shine

Aysha, you are so nice! Sorry I didn't respond to your comments on my story Apollo. Sure we can work on a story you can put on here. See ya!

Your BFF

Mar 10, 2011
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thebomb.com
by: ayhsa

shine this is the bomb.com story. i love how you begin and end. so are you going to write a 3rd part? i hope you are. i think i like this story better than your other stories. not to be mean.

Mar 07, 2011
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Thanks!
by: Shine

I'm real glad you like my story. Thanks again!

Mar 07, 2011
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sweet!!!!!
by: Anonymous

hey shine this is sweet. i love how this story is a continuation of the first one. unlike "Apollo" this story describes the horse. i love it!!!!

Mar 06, 2011
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I LOVE YOUR STORIES!!!
by: ranchgirl

I always see you comment on my stories and I decided on my stories. You told me I was better at writing stories than you are. SO NOT TRUE!!!
You are better than I am. I am going to start a new story soon. If you like Tom, probably you will like my new one

Mar 05, 2011
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Great story!
by: Unicorn

Your "Apollo" stories were excellent already - "Blossom" looks to be even better!
I loooove Aunt Florence. She has a curious way of speaking, very poetic, which makes me think she's a touch eccentric but in a good way. Characters are fleshed out beautifully by mannerisms, oddities in speech. Also, you have done a brilliant job at revealing Laurel's beauty. You don't just tell us that Laurel is beautiful. In an indirect and poetic way, you tell us that Laurel is beautiful, which is why she was named Laurel, but that she doesn't care much for her looks and is embarrassed when people compliment her on this - you've told us a lot about Laurel in just a few sentences. It takes a lot of skill to do that, and it's very hard.

Aunt Florence's speech is perfect, but Mother and Laurel seem rather stiff and formal when they talk - try to loosen them up a little. Use abbreviations ("I'll", "can't", "she's") when your characters are talking - very few people go "I will" "cannot" or "she is". Also, a little bit more description would help me to picture the setting a bit more. Not too much, though, description bogs down prose, which is why I so like the way you introduced Laurel's looks.
Thanks for this lovely story. Please write on!

Feb 26, 2011
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Hi Rebekah!
by: Shine

thanks for commenting Rebekah! I try to make it as long as I can but I'm not allowed on the computer very long but I will try harder to make it longer. Are you writing any stories on this site? If you are please give me the titles and I'll comment. Thanks!

Feb 26, 2011
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AWESOME STORY!
by: Rebekah

I think your stories awesome the only thing I would change is make it longer I totally love it you're talented!

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