Bear and Minnie: Two horses, One dream - Part 1 (Bear's story)

by May and Jay
(Lynnwood, WA. USA)

ShamefulBear

ShamefulBear

"That's it Bear! This is the last time you kick another horse! It's time to sell you, you monster!" Those words echoed in my mind. I shivered. What will happen to me?

"C'mon ol' pal, lets get ya onto that trailer." Said a man with a beard longer than a ruler.
Ruler Beard put a halter around my head, I gave him a sharp glance. Better not touch me any more than you have to. I thought.

"Wow, Bear. You're not as old as I thought." Ruler Beard said as he looked at my canines.
"'Bout 5-6 I'm guessin'" Ruler Beard pulled two times and I walked slowly out of the tack room. I put my head down, how ashamed I felt. I looked up to see the eyes of my older sister, Violet. The champagne colored quarter horse mare looked down at me, as if I was nothing but a butterfly with no wings.

" You're a disgrace to our family Bear." Violet whinnied. "I'll miss you too." I mumbled.

The man turned a corner and I saw the trailer. About six other horses were there. I immediately felt terror. I started bucking and kicking. I turned around and bolted toward my mother's pasture.

"Mama! They're gonna take me away! Help me!!" I neighed. My beautiful palomino mother looked away. I felt the shame all around me. I felt hollow. There was nothing where my heart should have been. Because love feeds off of love, and sense no one loves me, not even my dear old dam, I feel nothing and I give off no love.

But again that question entered my mind. What will happen to me? What will happen to me? It kept on going through my mind, over and over and over. I neighed shrilly. I saw two men run towards me with ropes, lassos, and most hated of all, a muzzle.

One man, Ruler Beard in fact, gave me a hard whipping. I stood up on my hind legs and looked at my mother, with my little brother by her side.

"Thunder!! I neighed towards my little brother. He was about to run to me when my mom gave him a sharp glance. The mahogany bay colt turned his head away and whinnied, "Sorry". I heard a gun shot. I knew it wasn't for me. But it spooked me right enough, I lost my balance on my hind legs and toppled over onto my back. That is when I blacked out.

Before my eyes rolled back into my head I saw a man putting a muzzle on me, and a grullo mare in the distance. What will happen to me? Was the last thing I thought before I blacked out.

Comments for Bear and Minnie: Two horses, One dream - Part 1 (Bear's story)

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Aug 08, 2012
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Great Story!
by: ILuvBearAndMinnie

I loved this story! It's one of the best I've ever read! I can't wait until the second one! This is a very fast paced story, and the beginning paragraph really drags you in. In my opinion Bear is my favorite character, because to me, he's not afraid to ask for help. But then again, I didn't read about Minnie yet. Thanks so much for posting this story! I can't wait to read the second one!

Apr 30, 2012
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Hi May and Jay
by: Unicorn

This is a brilliant story! I loved it and can't wait for the next installment. You jump straight into the story, the scene is fast and pacey, it doesn't drag at all but remains quite clear to the reader. We immediately experience Bear's isolation from his family. I liked your name for Ruler Beard - such nicknames allow us to easily identify with characters whose real names we don't know - and my only suggestion would be to make Ruler Beard's role as the bad guy clearer from the start. Up until he whipped Bear, I was under the impression that he was friendly (the way he spoke to Bear at the start made me think so), perhaps he could snap at Bear a bit instead, making it clearer. All round, though, this is a splendid story and I really look forward to the next part.

Unicorn

Apr 22, 2012
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Commas, and writing
by: TheRider

It's a great story other than a couple of missed comma's!

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