An Everlasting Hope - Part 2

by S a v a n n a h
(Utopia!)

The zipper fully opened and a little girl poked her head out. I whinnied. She screamed. Another tent zip opened, and a woman came out. She rushed over. The third opened and a man came out. There was a lot of talking going on i could not understand. I stood back in fright.

The man pulled something from his pocket and started talking into it. The little girl had gone back into the tent and her mother had joined her. I cantered tiredly into the forest, and stopped in an area where the trees weren't so thick and lay down.

Soon i fell asleep. I wonder where my herd is now, i thought as i drifted away.
The next morning, i saw a few men mounted on horses. I jumped to my feet, staring at them wearily.

Oh my gosh i am so sorry its so short! next one will be longer, i promise!!

Comments for An Everlasting Hope - Part 2

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May 08, 2011
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Oooooo!
by: Shine

This is amazing, amazing, amazing.... You really have the plot on! I can't wait for part3

Apr 29, 2011
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Awesome!
by: Jess

This is an awesome story! I love the characters!

Apr 28, 2011
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Hi Savannah
by: Unicorn

Again, I love the portrayal of the horse. We easily see the world through her eyes, and there's no awkwardness in this point of view. You could pay a little more attention to grammar - I spotted an "i" that should have been "I" - and a few sensory descriptions wouldn't go amiss. Show us the world the way a horse would perceive it: through sight, yes, but mainly through sound, smell, and touch. It doesn't have to be complex. When the main character pushes her nose into the tent, perhaps she smells plastic, or some sweet girly perfume, or leather oil. Perhaps the night is cold and every scent is sharp and clear in the cool air. Just to bring the story to life a little.

It's no problem that it's short! Please bring us Part 3 soon!

Unicorn
writer of:
"More than a Myth"

P. S. Thanks again for commenting on my story!

Apr 27, 2011
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Part 3
by: ranchgirl

I can't wait for part 3. This story is so amazing. I can't wait to see what happens. I don't mind if it's short. I at least get to read it.

Check out my story Dream Come True. I am posting part 6 as soon as I can. Comment if you like it. Also checkout my page Comment page 1. You can comment if you want. It's under training stories. I'll see you there!

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