About My Horse - Part 1

This stuff about her as a foal I don't know, its just about her journey to me and what I know happened and stuff that's just the story. I hope you like it!!!


The rain trickled down off an old barn's roof. One small drop slid from the roof to make one last slide to the edge, were it waited to drop. Wile underneath the rain drop stood a strong and lively foal, skipping as if taunting the rain drop to come closer! But the rain of course did nothing but slide off the roof, in a graceful fall to the ground.

But before it made it, the frisky foal darted out and caught it with its forehead. Landing perfectly in the middle of two colors. For her small head wore a strange thing, half of her head was brown and the other white. Her color was simply a very beautiful one! She had a banner made of brown baby fuzz around her ears that dropped off in to the separation of colors. Overlapping that was a black fourlock. And she had a flank spot that had two dots in the middle of it next to each other on her left side.

On her right was a simple flank spot. And she had a shield of brown on her chest. All her spots were cherry bay brown. And the centerpiece that was quite odd, was that on her brown side she had brown eye lashes and on her white, she had white eye lashes. And on both sides of her face, deep brown eyes.

Yes, she was a true beauty and she didn't mind showing it. Sometimes she even acted like a proud arabian, raising her pure white tail that nearly glowed, slightly. And lowering her head like a dressage horse, with her also white mane fluttering a little since it was still so short.


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I will write more but first I have to know that you like it!

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Aug 13, 2011
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Hi
by: Unicorn

Wonderful story... I love your descriptions, they are extraordinarily vivid. Please write more soon! One thing I would suggest is to make the description do double duty: don't just show us the horse. At the opening of a story, I'm asking a lot of questions: Who? What? Where? When? Why? and How? You've answered "Who?" very well, and "When?" and "Where?" quite well, but the other questions hang in the balance: What is happening to this beautiful filly? Why is it happening? How will this happen? In your next part, introduce a bit of "what": show us what is happening to the filly.
I adore this story. An absolutely fantastic opening! Pleeeaaaase keep writing!
Unicorn
writer of:
"More than a Myth" Intro and Parts 1 - 3

Aug 06, 2011
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good job
by: Anonymous

loved your story great job

Nov 14, 2011
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i like the story:D
by: abigail

i like your story of your horse it's good:D and i look forward to seeing part 2 :D

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